Super Street Fighter 4 Ar-ghhh!

"Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

- George W. Bush

So, Super Streetfighter 4: Arcade Edition is due in the next couple of weeks. I confess that I spent large chunks of last year playing SSF4 and reliving the glory days of my youth. 

At least they were the glory days, up until the point I realised my estimation of myself as some kind of legend at the game wasn't entirely accurate. It turns out that beating your (then) 8-year-old brother into the ground and seeing off some goons at the local mall doesn't really prepare you for stepping out into the big bad world of competitive online gaming. I hit a wall and spent the next six months banging my head against it. Surely the ability to throw a fireball and launch a dragon punch on command placed me firmly in the upper echelons of the game's elite?

Apparently not. Time and again I succumbed to combos and tactics I recognised but proved helpless to counter. I spent hours poring over YouTube videos to improve my skills, to no avail. I even ordered the official strategy guide. Eventually I sacrificed my honour and pride and decided to main Guile, with whom my tactics involved hiding on the other side of the screen and spamming sonic booms while throwing anything within range. I got ahead, to a point. 

Come at me, bra

I also collected an inbox full of abusive messages such as "Fukkin turtle u only know one move" and "Ur a pussy." I couldn't in good conscience argue with either sentiment, but at least my Battle Points were building up. 

But then they stalled again, and soon began to dip. The community was raising its game and wising up to my lame tactics. If man is a learning animal I was surely little more than an ape, lurking on the outskirts of civilization and beating my chest and flinging poo while bronze became steel and arrows turned to gunshot and progress rendered me an irrelevant relic of a bygone age, too set in my ways to learn what was necessary to keep up with the new breed. My dreams of travelling to Japan to best Daigo in single combat were in tatters. I would never be anything more than a tribute to mediocrity; a journeyman at best. With this realisation I managed to tear myself away. I began the long road to recovery. My thumbs healed. That permanent rage down in my gut finally receded.

And now SSF4: AE is imminent. Tempting me back to this dirty business where a man is only as good as his trigger finger. I feel like William Munny from Unforgiven, except I was always more akin to Mr Bean. I need to resist. I'm too old for this shit.

Also: $40/$15 (for the DLC) to gain access to some balance tweaks and four uninspiring characters ain't happening. I'd rather buy the new Mortal Kombat instead. I tell you, I was a regular Spartan at that game back in the day...